Being a Kabir
So many of us have been talking about mental health, and anxiety but so many of us do not address one important persona, especially around men in India: Kabir
Remember Ranveer Singh from Dil Dhadakne Do. Yes, that’s the persona I’m referring to. Anxious to prove themselves as the one with the wisdom to continue the brick-and-mortar business and not even giving them the right space to explore and yet struggling to truly understand oneself.
One important thing to note here is the fact that I’m not talking about giving up the business through which they’ve been able to live comfortably and follow wild passions and ideas, but atleast give the space to explore and find their own strengths and weaknesses, the things which are easy for them to do, and the things they struggle with.
Even in the film, Ranveer talks about his interest of flying and the fact that he might explore that. The idea is exploration. Nothing brings truer learning and wisdom than realising true moments of suffering, and failures which is only possible through consistent exploration and struggle.
These boys are unfortunately gilded and at times spoiled by the comfort and not given the room to truly stand on their own feet and carve out a path. The fear of becoming aloof makes parents and families not even consider the path of self-exploration and eventual self confidence that they need to do anything good in life. This at times leads to loneliness, stagnancy and seldom even running away from everything.
On the other side, because of such pressure of proving to be a worthy ‘heir’ and constantly telling them that they are what they are because of their luck makes them involve in substance abuse, and what not. They start living in their own utopian worlds and run away from reality.
Arrogance, flair and bloated egos inexorably makes them lose touch and spoils even stable and booming businesses even if it aligned to their interests. A beautiful mental cage is being built which limits their capacity to think and reason beyond a certain rationale.
People keep talking about girls and independence but I feel there should also be more talk around men not being the only bread-winner, especially in Indian homes.
Even if these boys do succeed, true credit is rarely given to them for their hardwork and brilliance.
In professional fields such as lawyers and practicing CAs this case is still not that prevalent, but in business its not talked about with the kind of respect it deserves. And I understand, professionals hold a lot on their individualistic skills to succeed and not just their fathers’ good network and genetics, but that does not mean that a son is taunted by relatives and family members to not try out their own enterprise or business and is made fun of.
There is a need to talk about such men and young boys. A need to make them be more self confident by not just saying it to their face, but letting them struggle, fail, and finally win, and then be internally satisfied.
“Most successful parents take away one gift from their kids which made them successful in first place : struggle.” — Kunal Shah
